Wednesday, December 06, 2006

I tried so hard to fail

I failed my independent study today, well I tried to fail in it. 4 studio arts classes are kind of overwhelming, so I wrote my professor a letter of accpetance of my grade so that he didn't have to feel so bad failing the student who he awarded the Craig Cutler award to last year (don't you love irony?). Here's a copy of the letter:

Dear Bill,

I have always thrived on positive reinforcement, gold stars, and those cute little check marks you receive on exams. I have worn them as badges of validation my entire life.

This semester I took on too much. I thought I could do everything. I had the best intentions of being awesome. My photos this semester have sucked because I didn’t take the time to make them good, and the contact sheets void of creativity were just too stifling. I gave up. I thought I could throw something together, but half assessed is not what we are taught to do here.

I have never failed a class before. Actually it used to terrify me. Through this independent study I have learned that failure is an opportunity to do something ballsy, and unexpected. Something like this. This grade reflects more things learned than most of the As I have received. It is hard to own failure, to accept that you did not even come close to doing good enough. Now I’ve never been more excited to earn a grade. I’ll probably hang it on the refridgerator once I get it.

Bill you love giving As and you love giving Fs. I proudly accept my failing grade for this semester.


To this he replied that he would not let me off that easily and that I must make up the class over wintersession. I have failed at failing.

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